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Trust in 21st Century – Part 2: Outer

Alison StokesUncategorizedLeave a Comment

Trust-full Relationships

Read the second article in our 3-part series, where we look at trust in 21st Century: trust with ourselves, trust with others and trust in the wider world. How can we use trust to help us navigate uncertainty? And how might it bring more depth and meaning to our lives? 

This time, we explore why inspiring trust and deepening our trust with others are essential capacities for building and developing our personal relationships and business partnerships. We also look at what we can do to build more trust in our relationships by examining two different types of trust: head-based trust and heart-based trust. When we become conscious of the different types of trust, we can better diagnose problems in our relationships and allow the intelligence of each of them to help us co-create the relationships we really want.

The role of trust in relationship

Trust is the foundation of all human connections. It’s not something simply reserved for our most deep and intimate relationships: trust governs all of the interactions we have with each other, from business partnerships to chance encounters. From the trust we give to our fellow road users, to the food served up in our local restaurant or to the train driver who facilitates our daily commute: we wouldn’t be able to do anything or go anywhere in our lives if we were devoid of trust.

In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor pointed out that “social relationships are the best guarantee of heightened well-being and lowered stress, both an antidote for depression and a prescription for high performance.”  At the core of strong and enduring relationships is trust, while the very definition of a bad relationship is “little or no trust.”

Through our work with organisations, we find levels of engagement to be strongly tied up with trust: where employees experience high-trust relationships with leaders and colleagues we also find a greater capacity to handle conflict, navigate challenging situations, innovate and take risks. Ultimately, high-trust within organisations drives productivity, growth and leads to better business results.

What is your relationship with trust?

‘Pistanthrophobia’ is the fear of trusting others. Most of us will have suffered varying degrees of this fear, often arising from painful personal experience or conditioning.

In his paper ‘Psychological foundations of trust’, Jeffrey A. Simpson writes: “Trust involves the juxtaposition of people’s loftiest hopes and aspirations with their deepest worries and fears.” When our fears and worries outweigh the possibility of our high hopes and expectations being realised, we tend to develop a ‘glass half empty’ belief system around trust.

However, the ‘glass half full’ attitude towards trust isn’t necessarily the better option either, as this may lead to trusting others too easily.

So, does trust have to be ‘all or nothing’? Or is it actually more complex than that? How do you trust those around you and where is that taking you? And where could it take you? Because whether professional or personal, a relationship without trust is like a car without gas: you can stay in it, but it won’t get you very far… 

Types of trust

Type ‘trust’ into google and you will stumble across hundreds of reasons why you wouldn’t want to give your trust to others. Some warn to “Be careful of who you trust”. Others go even further suggesting that we should “never trust anyone completely.” And perhaps the most saddening piece of advice: “laugh with many, but don’t trust any.  Perhaps this is true for many of us: we put on a show of trust but in fact, never do we truly trust.

Perhaps this explains why so many of us struggle with superficial relationships, because they are relationships based around surface level trust. A type of trust based on labels, names, and tangible evidence. If we stripped away all of these socially accepted signs of trust – the wedding ring, the contract, the job title – what would the relationship look like?

Patrick Lencioni’s well-known work on teams distinguishes between these two types of trust: predictive and vulnerability-based trust. He poses that the kind of trust characteristic of a great team requires team members to make themselves vulnerable to one another and be confident that their respective vulnerabilities will not be used against them. These vulnerabilities include weaknesses, skill deficiencies, interpersonal shortcomings, mistakes and requests for help.

This is very different from another kind of trust – predictive trust – where we are guided on the basis of apparent evidence that a person is trustworthy. We trust the doctor because she has certain qualifications; we trust our business partner because they have signed a contract; we trust our colleague to carry out a task because they’ve already demonstrated competence in that domain.

Another way of thinking about this is as head vs. heart. Head trust develops through thoughts: it intellectualises and materialises trust. Heart trust develops through feelings and it tends to be something that can’t been seen or easily explained in words: it’s ‘butterflies in the stomach’, a gut instinct, a spark.

Understanding the distinction between these different types of trust can be helpful in diagnosing where our relationships might need some help.

Whilst evidence- or predictive-based trust is important, trusting with the vulnerability and openness of heart-based trust can create more depth, meaning and lasting richness in our relationships.

Balancing trust

Mona Sutphen, who served as the White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy in the Obama administration stated that: “most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.” A powerful yet surprising statement to come from a politician.

However, the key word here is “most”, because in reality, trusting everyone would be incredibly difficult and perhaps even dangerous. Which is why we’re certainly not suggesting that you should hand over your heart to everyone: we’re recommending that you strike a balance between the two.

Let’s imagine for a moment that we’re being offered a new job. We can consider the pay, the job title, the responsibilities, the working hours, the employee benefits. And we can also consider the energy in the organisation and the way we feel around our prospective new boss.

Steven Covey & Greg Links call this fusion of the two types of trust ‘Smart Trust’ . They believe smart trust is the key to building high trust in a low trust world as it can help us to minimise risk whilst at the same time maximising possibilities.

Here we use the information of both heart-based and evidence based-trust in order to come to a balanced decision. Because whilst we might not want to hand over a huge amount of trust to a new boss, friend or company, we also don’t want to hamper the future development of that relationship because of a lack of trust.

In the example above we use both types of trust to inform the new job situation. We are dialing up our consciousness in order to access information that supports both types of trust: we use material evidence to inform our decision but we don’t allow it to overwhelm how we feel about the situation.

Because as I’m sure many of you have experienced, it can be all too easy to dismiss a ‘bad feeling’ if the brain is telling you otherwise. The heart senses something’s not right but the head manages to talk you out of it because it believes it can weigh up all the options.

However, relationships are complex and so quite often there are simply too many options for the brain to weigh up. This is why a blend of the two intelligences – heart and head – can often offer us a clearer sense of a situation.

So, whilst we don’t want to ignore evidence or analysis, we might want to suspend it – at least temporarily. Because when we approach situations with the belief that “most people are basically good” we open up a whole new world of possibilities.

This isn’t about walking into relationships naïve and deluded: this is about staying open to the possibilities that every relationship can bring. If we become inherently curious about our relationships our focal length shifts and we start to see opportunities that reach beyond the boundaries of evidence-based trust.

Co-creating trust

I + You = We

What if two parts don’t make a whole? Contrary to the old adage, we believe that both people in a relationship can each bring 100%. When each brings their whole self to the relationship- their full 100%- then each person has equal responsibility for the relationship.

This is where we can truly start to trust beyond material evidence, as there’s a level of vulnerability and authenticity. No longer is one person bringing 30% and looking to the other person to bring the other 70%. Rather, there is a shared responsibility because both parties are conscious of everything- all 100%- of what they bring to the relationship.

And this responsibility makes trusting and being trusted a whole lot easier because it brings us back to our Self. The one part of that equation that we can control. We can’t control other people. However, just because we can’t control someone else doesn’t mean we should write-off the possibility of creating a high-trust relationship.

So, with that in mind, we want to finish with the following questions: Can you allow someone to bring their full self to the relationship? And do you trust yourself enough to do the same?

We’d love to know what you think.

Trust in 21st Century – Part 1: Inner

Alison StokesUncategorizedLeave a Comment

Live with Trust

Over the next few weeks, Global Warrior’s will be releasing a series of articles exploring trust in the 21st Century: trust with ourselves, trust with others and trust in the wider world. Trust is the basis around which all of our human relationships revolve and when trust is high, our interactions flow with sensitivity, efficiency and ease. So, how might a high capacity for trust help us to navigate our lives in today’s rapidly changing world? And how might it bring more depth and meaning to our lives? In this article we take it right back to the start and focus on ourselves. Because if you can’t trust yourself why should anyone trust you? Biba Binotti investigates…

I recently discovered the feeling of comfortably uncomfortable. That paradoxical moment of feeling comfortable with the simultaneous feelings of awkwardness and fear. I found myself on all fours, blindfolded in a rather edgy workshop that was really pushing my boundaries. This was my first experience of Tantra so I had no safe reference. I was in a room full of strangers and was being led by a teacher whom I’d not worked with before. Yet, in spite of the overwhelm of vulnerability, something inside me was telling me to keep going. I made it to the ‘other side’- stronger and unscathed- because I trusted myself. I trusted that I knew how to navigate the situation because I recognised the power of listening to myself.

“self-trust is a daily practice and something that I’ll be ….. striving towards for the rest of my life.”

Yet, this wasn’t always the case. Looking back, I can see how a lack of self-trust and a lack of self-listening has led me to bad business decisions, self-destructive relationships and poor health. So, what’s changed? Well, it’s important to point out that self-trust is an endless discovery. You never arrive: you just keep discovering and learning more about yourself and living from that place. Which is why self-trust is a daily practice and something that I’ll be struggling with and striving towards for the rest of my life. The difference is that now I have some simple strategies in place to help with the striving…and thriving. In an uncertain and volatile world, the certainty that you can fully rely on is yourself. So, in this article I am go to share 4 strategies I use to strengthen inner trust.

  1. Looking over past patterns

“Cease trying to work everything out with your mind. It will get you nowhere. Live your intuition and let your whole life be Revelation”– Eileen Caddy.

I’m sure many of you have experienced similar signals in relationships. All the signs were there, but somehow you didn’t see them. Or act on them. And on some level, you knew something was wrong but your logical, left-brain rationale talked you out of it. And you know what? That’s okay. It might have been what you needed at that time. And what you needed to get you to where you are today. We are human and we develop and grow because of our so called ‘failures’. It’s why toddlers learning to walk just keep picking themselves up and trying again.

“Whole Person Intelligence … leverages your whole brain (left and right), your whole body and your energetic awareness…..”

So, let’s forget the idea of failures and consider all of our experiences- good or bad- as life lessons. What happened? And what can I learn? When we look back objectively over our past experiences we can access what we call in Conscious Leadership, our Whole Person Intelligence (WPI), in order to change our future patterns. WPI leverages your whole brain (left and right), your whole body and your energetic awareness. From this place we can live and love with more awareness, flexibility and forgiveness in order to grow and evolve with each experience and encounter. I couldn’t have imagined myself saying this 10 years ago but I am now genuinely grateful for each of those so-called ‘destructive’ relationships and interactions because I recognise that they’ve brought me to where I am today. I’m now in a healthy relationship, which is built on a solid sense of self-trust. Yes, I trust my partner. But that was only possible because I learnt to fully trust myself.

  1. Using your body as a signal

It’s all too easy to mistrust this internal wisdom when almost everything in our world is telling us to do the opposite. We face a daily bombardment of noise from external resources telling us what we need to do/think/say/have, that it’s not surprising that our internal intelligence is being overlooked and forgotten. Nutrition is one of clearest examples of how we neglect to listen to what I am going to call the Body Brain, the system that offers live updates on how we are physically feeling (as opposed to how we think we are feeling). Your body is on your side. It wants to make you better and it wants to keep you fit and healthy. But more often than not we turn to an external resource for help or advice before consulting the world within.

In a society that places so much value on cognitive intelligence it’s not surprising that the Body Brain often gets overlooked. Sir Ken Robinson spent his life challenging the schooling system and argued that “Education needs to address the world around our learners but also the world within our learners.” The world within. The world that we so often forget to listen to in the “age of distraction” (Pico Iyer). Perhaps this is why three times as many people are dying of obesity than starvation and why “sugar is now deadlier that gunpowder”? (Yuval Noal Harari). But what if we were to reverse this and consider our overconsumption of sugar not as a cause- but as a symptom? A symptom of disconnection and unconsciousness. And a symptom of mistrust.

I am fully aware of how difficult it is to listen to the body, particularly in regards to dietary health. Five years ago, I went on my first 7-day juice retreat. Having been diagnosed with malignant melanoma, I was eager to reset my relationship with my Body Brain and I hoped that the retreat would offer me the space I needed to really listen to my body’s signals. After a few days I became aware of how much my brain was overriding the signs my body was giving me, often completely taking over and even wrongly labelling sensations. My brain might have been telling me “I want a pizza” but, what my body was really craving and needing was an early night! The retreat worked so well for me because it gave me the space to stop, listen and align myself with what my body needed, instead of allowing the 3 pounds of muscle in my scull (and with that, all of my conditioned and unchallenged beliefs) to dictate when and what the other 98% of my body should eat!

  1. Creating Space

In his new book, ‘The World Beyond Your Head: How To Flourish In An Age of Distraction, Matthew Crawford describes silence as a “luxury good.” He argues that in a world of constant distraction and noise, silence and space have become rare commodities reserved for the few who can afford it. You only must consider the difference between the airport terminal and the business class lounge. One is an overwhelm of people, signs, shops and sounds whereas the business lounge offers a calming, peaceful retreat away from the crowds, typically plain, simple and advertisement free.

“you can- and should- be your own friend. And as with any good friendship, it requires a lot of love and listening.”

It’s much easier to find focus when there is less distraction and more space. But as our world becomes ever more digitalised, connected and constant these spaces are becoming far and few between. Many of us keep our digital devices with us at all times- in our pockets and by our beds- that it’s not surprising that we are struggling to find space. A space where we can fully focus on a piece of work or a person. But also, a space where we can tune in to how we are feeling. The moments where we build our relationship with ourselves to develop the deep bonds of trust that come from fully formed friendships. Yes, friendship because you can- and should- be your own friend.

And as with any good friendship, it requires a lot of love and listening. How regularly do you check in with yourself? I hear and say “How are you?” multiple times a day and yet I rarely direct that question inwards. Which is why it is so important to create time for yourself, in whatever way works for you. You might do this by meditating, practicing yoga, painting, or as I like to do- running. While I meditate for 10 minutes each day, some of my most meditative and self-reflective states are found on a long run. So, it’s not about what you do, or when you do it. It’s just that you do it. Make time to consciously tune out the world in order to tune in to yourself because self-care isn’t selfish: it’s nurturing and growing the friendship and trust you have with yourself.

  1. Trust takes time…

My final piece of advice is to accept that building trust with yourself sometimes takes time. If you’ve been doubting your own wisdom for most of your life, then it’s unlikely that a deep sense of trust will develop overnight. And accept that there will be many more moments of mistrust. It’s not like climbing up a ladder, falling off and having to start again. Building trust with yourself is, in many ways, a spiral inward. There will be moments of trust and mistrust, causing you to spiral up or down, but you will always be moving inwards as you evolve and grow.

So, as hard as it sounds: trust in trust!

Best wishes and much love

Biba

I am a Global Warrior Profile – Lola Fayemi

Alison StokesUncategorizedLeave a Comment

I am a Global Warrior – Lola Fayemi

Lola Fayemi is a leadership coach & consultant and workshop facilitator who helps people to lead with more authority and authenticity in all areas of their life.

After successful careers in recruitment and coaching, she now helps other changemakers to get out of their own way so they can create the lasting impact they were born to make.

Through 1-2-1 coaching and workshops, she helps clients identify and release patterns that keep them stuck so they are free to live life on their own terms.

When she’s not out there transforming lives, systems and cultures, you’ll find her spending time with her son, Phoenix, or indulging in her other passion – Cuban salsa dancing!    www.bossassliving.com

 

When were you at your happiest?

There are two times when I have been at my happiest.

There was the day my son was born.  A beautiful day – the 11th July in fact the whole of July is such a special month. That was pure Joy.  Babies are really special and bring out the best in everyone.  I was really surprised, taken aback and moved about the outpouring of love we were surrounded with. Little did I know that that was going to change everything.  The mother side of me opened up – not just for him, but for everything and everybody.

The second time is right now.  I feel genuinely my happiest, I feel on purpose. I feel surrounded by people who are routing for me and I feel ready. I feel everything that I have been working towards is coming to fruition.  The stage is set – internally, externally. I turned 40 in January and I’m really looking forward to the next decade and half of my life.

The future is unwritten is the phrase that keeps coming to me at the moment and it dosen’t scare me.  I feel like I am free, envigorated.

What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is of dying and leaving my son. Not because I’m scared of death. I actually like funerals – they are my favorite religious ceremony to go to because I  completely understand their purpose.  Funerals are so real, they focus us and remind us of whats important.  But if I die I’m scared for my son and not having me around

What is your earliest memory?

My earliest memory is dancing to a Pat Benator record called Love is a Battlefield.  Hearing it for the first time on Top of the Pops I felt the urge to rock out, to move, to feel free in my body.

Who do you most admire and why?

Oprah Winfrey by a long shot.  I love her so much. I love her because she was the first person that I ever inspired me. Originally I started to watch her show because she would feature American artists and RNB bands that we didn’t have access to on mainstream UK TV.  Then one day there was a special about her life – it was the first time I had heard a rags to riches story – which totally inspired me.

On so many levels she shouldn’t work – shes black, shes a woman, shes larger, she is from a poor background.  There are so many boxes that she dosen’t tick but she dosen’t care.  She really is a conscious leader.  She is connected to something deeper in herself which gives her impact.

Her show influenced my whole career.  I didn’t know what I wanted to be – but the psychologist at the end of the show who would give some commentary about the ideas discussed which influenced me to choose Psychology at University.

Oprah has continued to always taking it to the next level. I love everything she does in raising the consciousness of the planet.  There is no other idol for me.

What is the quality that most irritates you about yourself?

I can be quite judgemental – to others and to myself. The self judgement is the worst and can be very sly.

I have got better about managing it and one tip I can share is to stay as present as possible.  The trick is to catch that negative sly voice early on and embrace it – Then you have a choice on what you do with it.   I can listen to my other positive voices to give their perspectives which diffuses the judgement.

Which books changed your life?

There are 3 books I would like to share.

The first one is by Louise Hay – You can heal your life.  This was my first non-fiction self-help book that I ever read.  It spoke directly to me – so this was a revelation in mind, body and spirit.

The second is The Energy of Money – Dr Maria Nemeth.  Money was a real problem for me.  I earned a lot of money very early on in my career which can get yourself into a whole load of problems with that.   It was a game changing book and helped me understand that money is not only about financial management. Its very much about your relationship with money. If I had to recommend to anyone a book to heal that part of your life this is it.   I constantly refer back to it.  My dream is to be a philanthropist so I need to earn money to achieve that.

The last is a book I return to very often since I first read it ten years ago – and that is The Power of Now by Eckert Tolle – I have to give him a shout out.

What do you owe your parents?

I don’t think I will ever understand them.. but my job is to love them just the way they are.  I owe them that they came to London from Nigeria and met our physical and educational needs, they made a very good choice of sending me to a really good secondary school which helped me to be comfortable and confident in a range of situations.

I also appreciate the sacrifices they made for me.  They put me in a position where I was able to heal, fix, move through and navigate past the things that I inherited from them that don’t really work for me.   We all have those things, and some people can’t move past those things but I was given the ability to break those cycles and help others to move past things – that’s a real gift and one I do not take for granted.

What does great leadership look like?

I see great leadership very rarely.

What is looks like? First and foremost great leaders have great self-leadership skills – I do not mean self-discipline or great will power – I mean leaders who are in command of themselves. They are not perfect and accept their imperfections. They are knowing of their strengths and skills. Great leadership is about self-knowledge and being able to get out of your own way.   So for me I’m good at holding uncertainty and navigating that, however the flipside is that my teams might feel they need more structure and order.  Knowing what those tendencies are, trying to manage them and leading from your core and the truth of who you are is something you can’t fake.

Leadership is not something you DO it is something that you ARE. If your intention is in service of and higher purpose …then I find things click into place and life has your back.

What was your worst job ever?

My last job in IT recruitment was awful.  The company I worked for was so un-dynamic. However my assertions for myself were so low then that it reflected where I was back then.

What would you most like to change about modern day life?

I would love modern day life to be more diverse in the way people think. I am aware that the world has a very dominant perspective that is white, and male and straight and middle classed and right handed and able bodied. That is only one set of perspectives.  When you differ from any of those perspectives society dosen’t work with you AND we are missing out on what other cultures and perspectives can bring.   The way I remind myself of how this feels is in the context of  being right handed.  Most of the time it dosen’t cross my mind that the world dosen’t work for left handed people imagine what its like to be “different”.

If you met an alien from outer space, what would you tell them about the human race?

I would tell them that we an arrogant race who think we are a lot better that we are. We are a self destructive race.   That’s the thing with the human race we are always comparing ourselves to be somewhere else – always looking for the next thing.

What area of life would you most like to see transformed by our conscious movement?

Relationships – the way we relate to each other as human beings. I feel like we have been taught something that’s not quite true and that’s why relationships it don’t work for everyone.  I think relationships help us to grow.  If we could upgrade our thinking it could transform our lives.

What is your dream for humanity?

We could take the brakes off of our evolution of consciousness and let ourselves evolve.  In many ways we are comfortable with evolving in certain ways, for example with technology.  I would love us to get just as excited about evolving our consciousness.

An outcome of our conscious revolution could be how we evolve our attitude to material possessions and the importance we place on the latest gizmo, the designer handbag and how we prioritise money for these “must haves” as opposed to live changing things.

www.bossassliving.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conscious Recommended Reading – Biba Binotti

Alison StokesUncategorized1 Comment

Our ‘conscious’ work has been informed and influenced by so many of our own work and professional experiences, training and development, mentors, inspirational role models and ‘hero’s’, reading and research.
We are often asked what reading we would recommend that would accompany our conscious journeys. Over the coming months we are asking our Global Warrior coaches and the Conscious Leader community to share their top picks.

Biba Binotti is kicking this off with two recommendations – The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod and The Go-Giver by Bob Burg & John David Mann. Here she gives describes why these two books stand out for her.

The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod – This was a recommendation from one of our Conscious Leaders. What I love about it is focuses on the need to put self development on the daily map if you are serious about wanting to make a difference and change.  Hal says you need to put attention on who you need to be in order to make that change – so not just who you are being but who you are becoming again an important focus in our fast and vast ever changing world. He sets a morning practice of 6 rituals that take 10 mins each and these are what he calls the Life S.A.V.E.R.S being:

S = stillness – mindfulness/meditation

A = affirmations – positive reinforcements and messages to help reframe the neural pathways

V = visualisation to support the above and bring the vision into reality

E  = exercise

R = reading

S = Scribing or journaling

What I like about it is it is very simple and quick to read so it will hopefully be accessible to people but more importantly it holds the importance of rituals, small but regular practices that are a pivotal part of change and transformation. Each of the 6 parts are all good development and leadership development practices in their own right.

Another favourite of mine and I know many of the Conscious Leaders is a parable called The Go-Giver by Bob Burg & John David Mann.

It talks to the fundamental philosophy that by focussing on the value you can bring and add to others… rather than what you get from them…. is ultimately what brings you value anyway. The book takes you through the 5 laws of Go-Giving or “Stratospheric Success” and in the process conveys a really powerful and compelling message for business and life.

The 5 Laws are:

The Law of Value – Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

The Law of Compensation – Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

The Law of Influence – Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

The Law of Authenticity – The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

The Law of Receptivity – The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

 

Have these texts have made an impact on you? I would love to know your thoughts, feedback and comments.

Best wishes and much love….

Biba

 

I am a Global Warrior Profile – Moyra Weston

Alison StokesUncategorized1 Comment

I am A Global WarriorMoyra Weston @Moyrawcc 

Moyra is a leadership coach and facilitator and has been working with Global Warriors for over 4 years.   Her satisfaction comes from supporting people in connecting to the best in themselves – in all areas of their lives, thereby becoming even more effective in their leadership. She is a very happy mother to her two children and grandmother to her two granddaughters – and is very excited about the prospect of her future grandson being born! Moyra splits her time between London and the South Coast of the UK, where she joins her partner in developing properties – this time helping buildings achieve their full potential!  Her other passions include gardening, art and weight lifting.

 

When were you at your happiest?

I have 2 memories which spring immediately to mind.

When I first fell in love with my partner Ed, we were inseparable. The first time we were separated – I was attending a conference for work – we missed each other terribly.  On the journey back home, Ed met me on the bridge in York station – it was one of the most romantic moments of my life – my heart was beating so loudly and I knew he felt the same.  We were so thrilled to see each other. We are still crazy about each other 24 years later!

The second memory was when I helped deliver my 2nd granddaughter – Che. It was a home birth and the midwife asked if I would like to help. I supported my daughter Lauren throughout the birth and caught Che as she emerged into the world – even cutting the cord.  It was such an unforgettable and special experience.

What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is that humanity will not catch on fully to how important it is to look after each other and look after where we live. The messages are all there, and as individuals, people are kind and generous, yet there is so much hatred, violence and violation of the planet.  It is a time for kindness and caring to win and for us to act on our collective responsibility.

What is your earliest memory?

I was probably about two and a half and my uncle came to our house.  He  opened his gigantic workman hands and inside there was a little baby rabbit that he had brought for us.

Who do you most admire and why?

The type of people I admire are ordinary heroes.  I really admire Baroness Doreen Lawrence, whose son Stephen  Lawrence was killed in a racist attack in 1993.  Through sheer determination she, with her husband, sought justice for her son during the criminal investigation whilst trying to create a positive legacy.  Her campaigning has resulted in a shift in public attitudes, and policing methods overhauled, and the exposure of police racism and corruption. She also established a charitable trust offering financial support for students of  Architecture from disadvantaged backgrounds.

I am full of admiration for her, for the positive legacy she has created out of that awful tragedy. She made a brave choice to make change for the better, despite the on-going challenges she faced. She is a very wise woman, who is now a member of the House of Lords.

What is the quality that most irritates you about yourself?

I am a not a completer finisher. I love to start things…. (!)

What was your most embarrassing moment?

Several years ago, I had dinner at a then colleagues house where we had a lot to drink.   I worked at the Citizens Advice Bureau at the time and gave her lots of advice after her expressing how unhappy she was about her job.  The next morning she quit her job and I had no recollection of what I had advised her!

Which book changed your life?

There have been so many books! But one of them is Toni Morrison’s- Beloved.  I always thought I had a lot of empathy but after reading it, it gave me such a different perspective about the experiences people go through.  Even now just thinking about it makes me very emotional.

Another I have really appreciated is The Spirit Level by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett which explores how the more equal the society,  the healthier the society is in many aspects.  This is something I always believed in and this book laid out all the research to support my belief.

What do you owe your parents?

Absolutely everything: The amazing experience of being LOVED fiercely and unconditionally.  They gave me the passion for life-long learning and I grew up being surrounded by books – unheard of on the council estate I lived on, in South East London.    Despite my leaving school with no useful qualifications my Mum and Dad encouraged me to attend University as a mature student- the same University they were attending!

My mum and Dad started their degrees in their 40s and 50s and went on to study MA’s.

They were socialists and really cared about other people and fought hard for fairness and equality.

What does great leadership look like?

For me a great leader is somebody who is comfortable in their own skin.  They have thought about the values they are taking into their workplace or arena they are in, they have integrity in terms of what they do, and bring people with them with an essence of equality.   Most importantly they have a sense that leadership doesn’t reside just in them, but can be sourced from all around them.

The mark of a good leader is one that creates leaders rather than followers.

What was your worst job ever?

When I was a teenager I had a summer job in the kitchen of an electronics factory.  For the mid-morning snack the workmen would have lard and dripping on bread and I was the person who had to prepare it, every day, for weeks. It was horrible and I struggled hard not to vomit.

What is your best (clean) joke?

I share this with my grandchildren.

A road and a path go to a pub for a drink.

The barman serves the road but then turns to the path and says ‘I’m not going to serve you – you are barred

‘Why am I barred? ‘ asks the path

The barman replies ‘Because you are a psychopath! (cycle path)

What would you most like to change about modern day life?

I would like us to be more conscious of how we lead, how we treat other people at work, at home or in the most ordinary situations. We have many more choices about how we impact the planet for instance, I would like to see industry more conscious about those choices, putting more resources behind some of the amazing environmental projects that exist. The Ocean Clean Up is an example of an initiative started by a school boy, that has grown in influence and benefitted from crowd sourcing. Corporates could make choices about what plastics, or alternate materials they use and produce, how foods and goods are packaged etc. There are many great initiatives out there that could be given even more support, creating a beneficial impact on the planet and future generations.

If you met an alien from outer space, what would you tell them about the human race?

The human race is at essence about love, kindness and care for each other. However, when that gets corrupted, it can become the exact opposite, so be prepared to meet the best and the worst. Love and kindness will always get the best out of the human race.

What area of life would you most like to see transformed by our conscious movement?

That corporate leaders can become the most influential change makers for the health and happiness of people, creatures and the planet.  They have that ability.

That everyone understands that they can be a leader,  like Doreen Lawrence and my parents  – in whatever aspect of life they choose to operate in.

What is your dream for humanity?

My dream is that people would realise that sometimes power lies in the wrong hands, and that we all have the power to change things for the better. Even those that are making really unhealthy decisions for the globe can be influenced to make unselfish change for the better.

It is important to care about ourselves AND we also need to care for others – the I AND the We.

@Moyrawcc 

I am a Global Warrior Profile – Duncan Müller

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I am a Global Warrior – Duncan Müller

Duncan is a coach… and whether developing leadership or developing teams, he loves this work. Before becoming a coach, he worked for over 20 years in marketing communications, holding leadership positions in South Africa and in the UK. While he enjoyed those years, he’s thrilled to have found real purpose as a coach, helping leaders and teams see fresh possibilities, cross their edges and reach for their dreams. Now he’s clear his mission is to unlock peoples’ potentials and help them move forward. When not working, Duncan enjoys running, thought-provoking theatre and films, gorgeous food and travelling.

  1. When were you at your happiest?

Among my happiest times were those carefree happy-go-lucky moments in childhood… when I was generally (good) naughty, being awkward around girls, experimenting with smoking cigarettes, and trying to look cool… moments of light-hearted fun.

And, if I fast forward to now… I’m at my happiest when I’m centered and grounded. When I’m just being me. When I’m in flow. I just love those moments.

2. What is your greatest fear?

To retire penniless.

3. What is your earliest memory?

Swimming with my family in our pool at home in Cape Town. I even remember my orange and brown swimming trunks which had a little brass buckle which clicked together.

4. Who do you most admire and why?

Nelson Mandela. I lived through apartheid and saw its divisions, its pains – and, yet make no mistake – I materially benefitted from it too. I admire Mandela’s ability to be loving, compassionate and forgive. On 11th February 1990, me, my brother and a good friend went to hear his first speech after being released from prison earlier that day. Just being among a sea of people celebrating his release was beautiful; a privilege to experience such a milestone in South Africa’s turbulent history. Mandela was four hours late, and I actually missed his speech, but that moment still stays with me.

5. What is the quality that most irritates you about yourself?

Thinking I’m right and then not enjoying it when I am shown to be wrong.

6. What was your most embarrassing moment?

As a teenager, I used to steal my mom’s car (sans driving license) late at night and go out with my friends. On one occasion, after having a few fun-filled hours with my mates, I parked the car near to my home to give the car time to cool down (a necessary step as the noisy cooling-down process would give me away) and went back to a nearby party. After twenty minutes, I returned to find the car missing. Gone. I was utterly distraught. How could I explain this to my mom? I ran home to peak through the garage door, but alas, the car was not there. After an hour or so searching (with a friend who coincidently had stolen his mother’s car as well), I returned home disheveled, embarrassed and ashamed (scared too). I told my mom everything, breaking down in tears. After twenty grueling minutes, she explained she had been suspicious, realised the car was missing, so had gone out, seen it parked down the road and, realising what had happened, had moved it – not to our garage, but to a neighbour’s house – to teach me a lesson (which she most certainly did).

7. Which book changed your life?

Brené Brown’s ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ introduced me to the concept of vulnerability… it gave me the courage to be with my vulnerability, to let go of who I think I should be and embrace who I am, warts and all.

8. What do you owe your parents?

A strong sense of independence which can be helpful and, curiously, sometimes gets in the way of creating connections with people (something that’s dear to me). I also owe the ability to strongly hold being right, which can get me into trouble (see above).

9. What does great leadership look like?

For me, leadership starts from within… from that deeper place… where we’re conscious of our light and our shadow, and where we’re connected to our dreams and hopes. From that place, we’re empowered to courageously step forward, crossing our edges in service of the impact we want to create – not just for us as individuals, but for the greater collective good too.

10. What was your worst job ever?

Working for an advertising agency in London that exploited its people to such an extent with the sheer volume of work and a ruthless and uncaring culture that every day someone in my team was in tears. At around midnight on my last Friday night of working there, I too found myself weeping into my hands, feeling lost and alone. A low point in my work and from which I’ve learnt a lot.

11. What is your best (clean) joke?

How many coaches does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

12. What would you most like to change about modern day life?

There is so much fear around. Fear of not belonging. Of not being enough. I would like people to be able to step into their fears, drop their masks and powerfully stand in their ‘I Am’.

13. If you met an alien from outer space, what would you tell them about the human race?

That we’re learning, we’re evolving, and we’re not quite there yet, so please be patient. (I’d also be hoping to be rescued by Han Solo.)

14. What area of life would you most like to see transformed by our conscious movement?

I believe curiosity is a door that, if opened, might solve many of society’s challenges. So, I hope people would step through the door into a more curious mindset, and be more curious about themselves and more curious about others.

15. What is your dream for humanity?

That we can drop our barriers, even just a little, to see our shared humanity beneath.

 

 

 

I am a Global Warrior Profile – Jacqueline Beall

Alison StokesUncategorized1 Comment

I am a Global Warrior – Jacqueline Beall @Jacqueline968

Jacqueline is a leadership coach and training facilitator, and has been working with Global Warriors for over four years. She is passionately curious about what motivates and inspires people and loves working with people to explore and fully understand what is really important to them and for them to believe that anything and everything they choose to achieve is possible.  She is committed to her own ongoing personal development and finding balance in life.  She is a very proud mother to Samantha and Matthew, lives in East London and has a life long love affair with dancing.

When are you at your happiest?   I’m happiest when I’m dancing.  Dancing has been in my life since my mum sent me to my first class when I was two years old.  I still have my first very tiny pair of tap shoes.  Since those early years I have continued to dance in one form or another and about a year ago I discovered salsa.  I have been having a one to one lesson each week and when I come out I am floating – it connects me to myself and gives me harmony with my mind, body and soul. My dance teacher, Gary, is like having another coach in my life. Gary is always saying things like “complete your turns” and “don’t anticipate“ which are metaphors for my life as I can be a bit of a procrastinator and often I’m trying to be one step ahead of myself!

I recently completed an Evocative leadership programme that culminated in camping for a week in a canyon in New Mexico.  In isolation – no toilet, no bathroom and no hairdryer!!  I’m still amazed and so proud that I made it through the week. I learnt a lot about myself there. It showed me just how much courage I have and what I am capable of – if I can do that I can do anything!  Now the memory is my special “go to” place, when life feels a little stuck.  I can transport myself back to being in that vast expansive space and dream about what I can create or make possible for myself.

What is your greatest fear?  I do have a fear for my two children – always wanting them to be safe and happy.  Apart from that, I have learnt that there is nothing really to be fearful about as I trust that I have the strength and courage to navigate through whatever is thrown at me.  We all have that within ourselves and we just need to remind ourselves from time to time.

What is your earliest memory?  I must have been about 3 or 4 sitting on my Dad’s lap, listening to the radio whilst he sang in a Frank Sinatra style. I felt so loved and protected. I always had a close bond with my Dad, perhaps due to the fact that he delivered me!

Who do you most admire and why?  My Mum – she had quite a hard life, she lost her Father at aged 4 and grew up during WW2.  She had 5 children and always worked hard to do the best for us and for other people. She very much handed down her strong values and I still hear her saying “always do your best.”  When I face difficult situations I always wonder what or how she would deal with things.

What is the quality that most irritates you about yourself?  My procrastination – I start so many things, especially books, and do not finish them.

What was your most embarrassing moment?  Shortly after having my daughter I joined a gym to lose weight.  I had been on the treadmill and as I got off (with my jelly legs) and surrounded by really cool fit people I, not very gracefully, stepped off of the treadmill and fell flat on my face. – A very Bridget Jones moment!

What do you owe your parents?  My parents always lived to their means and to their values.  They gave me a good sense of right and wrong and a strong work ethic – great gifts from both of them.

What does great leadership look like?  Leadership is about giving ourselves permission to create the life we want to have which also inspires others to do the same.  Leadership is also having courage, even if that means standing in the fire at times.  Being able to navigate through life, the good and the bad times, with determination to have the very best for all concerned.

What was your worst job ever?  At about 14 I made the white paper frills for lamb cutlets.  Night after night making boxes of frills for about 10p a box!

What is your best (clean) joke?  What did the Buddha ask the hot dog vendor?   Make me one with everything.

What would you most like to change about modern day life?  Modern day life is so fast paced and chaotic. I would love everybody to be more present and embrace being in the moment.  Look for happiness in the ‘here and now.’  Not in the ‘if’ and ‘when.’

If you met an alien from outer space, what would you tell them about the human race?  Be patient with us – we are getting there.

What area of life would you most like to see transformed by our conscious movement?  I love hearing about the difference that conscious leaders are making, however big or small.  It is these differences that are transforming lives, families, colleagues, communities and beyond.  Sometimes it is the little things that make such a big difference – like acknowledgement and appreciation of self and others.

What is your dream for humanity?  To break free from limitations and discover a shared humanity.

Guest Blog – Success Beyond Success What We Can Learn About Ourselves and the Future of Political Leadership From This Election

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Guest Blog by Jon Hill @blueprintcoach

On the day of the UK general election, politicians, media outlets, party members, and social media rabble-rousers are making a final push for victory. Now more than ever it is clear how the fundamental metric of political success has become reduced to just one thing – to win.

Not, of course, that wishing to ‘win’ an election is anything other than an entirely sensible and potentially noble aspiration. The party that wins is that which then has the capacity to realise its vision for the country, to actively create an impact in the world. However, what happens when the will to win becomes an end in itself? What does it mean for us as people and citizens when the language of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’ becomes unmoored from any clear sense of what it is that those competing are striving for?

It’s no coincidence that the system used to elect MPs to Westminster is known as ‘first past the post’. It’s no coincidence that Donald Trump repeatedly assured his followers on the campaign trail that “we’re going to win so much…you’re going to be so sick of winning”; that he brands his rivals ‘losers’.

It’s tempting to hold Trump up as an example of what happens when ego and power run amok, but perhaps those of us who abhor him notice in him a little of ourselves. Might it be helpful to put ourselves in his shoes, or those of any politician apparently blinded by the pursuit of victory? Or at the very least to ask ourselves how our own pursuit of success might sometimes have led us to wander from the path that actually feels most true for us – to sacrifice our values in order to achieve our goals?

In our culture, success and ‘winning’ have become synonymous. And for someone to win, someone else has to lose – thus we search for evidence of our success or otherwise by comparing ourselves to other people.  Our minds are constantly on the lookout for evidence that we are either ‘winning’ or  ‘losing’. “How much am I earning? How much am I earning compared to my friends? How good is my relationship? How good is my relationship compared to my friends? Am I hitting my targets at work? Are my colleagues hitting their targets?”

Not only are these markers of success by their nature comparative, they are totally external – based on things outside of us, over which we have at best limited control.

But here’s the thing.  When you actually ask people, none of this stuff actually matters to them. There is an exercise we have done in Conscious Leadership workshops in the past. We present people with 15 or so pictures of a diverse array of people who could be described as ‘leaders’ – from Winston Churchill to Martin Luther King, via Lady Gaga.  We then ask them to choose the one that they respect or admire the most, and to then discuss the qualities that particularly evoke that respect or admiration.

When we do this exercise with people the leaders they choose are always different, but the kind of qualities that are reflected back are invariably very similar. People talk about admiring kindness, humility, honesty, positivity, courage, perseverance. Vanishingly small are the occasions that people mention things like beauty, fame, youth, wealth, or power.  When we truly pause to reflect on what really matters to us these things do not even enter the conversation. And yet, these are the things that we judge ourselves on and often strive for on a daily basis, often at the expense of the stuff that does matter – our values.

Author and conscious business coach Fred Kofman @fredkofman talks about ‘success beyond success’. He talks about switching focus from the outcome of our endeavours to the process of endeavouring – away from what we achieve to how we are as we strive to achieve it. The measure of success beyond success is not ‘what did I do?’ but ‘to what degree did I uphold my core values as I did it?’ This is a success that comes not from looking at your bank balance, not from taking a seat in the House of Commons, but from looking in the mirror at the end of the day and feeling truly, authentically proud of the person you have been.

The beauty of success beyond success is this – it is 100% in your hands. No other person, no shift in the market, no external factor can influence it at all. It is completely independent of any outcome. If you were true to yourself and showed up at your best as you strove to achieve your goal, whether or not it was actually reached is actually immaterial.  Not, of course, that this means that goals in themselves are unimportant, they absolutely are – but from this perspective the achievement of goals becomes secondary to the pursuit of values.

This may seem like a radical shift, especially on the day of a general election. But regardless of the outcome, the campaign itself has shone a light on some changing attitudes in UK voters. When the election was called, Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s personal approval rating was historically low – he was seen as fundamentally unelectable. However, over the course of just over six weeks it has risen dramatically. While he still has many vigorous critics, new supporters have praised what they see as his dignity in the face of media scorn, his comfort on the public stage, and his consistent adherence to a clear set of principles.

Especially amongst younger people these qualities set Corbyn apart from other politicians. They seem to see in him someone who has put ‘success beyond success’ above the will to win at all costs. That doesn’t mean that the sting of defeat will be any less acute for those who support him should – as polls predict – the outcome tomorrow is defeat for the Labour Party. But perhaps what is being built is a more sustainable vision of success in the next generation of leaders. A generation of conscious leaders, led by values rather than party politics, religious dogma, or the pursuit of the old trappings of ‘success’. Whatever the outcome today, this gives me hope.

Jon is an experienced training facilitator and performance coach, based in London and specialising in working with people around health, wellbeing and resilience. With a background in psychology, and health and social care, he now works with a range of clients within the corporate and the public sector. In recent years these have included Johnson & Johnson, GlaxoSmithKline, the NHS, local London Borough Social Services, and a number of high-profile charities.
His focus is on helping people to maximise their energy and enhance their motivation so that they can perform at their best at work and at home. @blueprintcoach